Yikes!

This, (for me), is the hardest part — actually confronting someone. I’m nervous just thinking about it. I’ve come a long way; but, I still have a long way to go.

Over the past two weeks I’ve shared some truths I’ve learned, how to be a safe person and now I want to share some thoughts on actually confronting someone.

Unfortunately, there is no specific formula, each situation is different, but I find the points below to be helpful in most situations.

Determining What to Confront

Everything does not need to be confronted. As an emotional person, it is best for me to take a step back and check the appropriateness of my emotions and reactions.

I usually know I need to confront someone when I:

• lose sleep over something that was done or said.
• constantly run through the situation in my mind.
• start feeling anger, bitterness or resentment towards the person.
• want to talk poorly about the person or gossip about the situation.
• start avoiding the person.

Prayer

Before, during and after. I need help in being brave and addressing issues. The Lord is a good Father and offers help to those who ask. He cares about the way we interact with one another; he wants us to have good and healthy relationships. The Holy Spirit intercedes for us when we do not know what to pray; the Holy Spirit is also our ever present Counselor.

God delights in helping his children.

Words Matter

Several weeks ago I wrote about the importance of being intentional with our words in a piece called, Choose Your Words Wisely. I love words. I love to string them together, making beauty. I understand their power and I hope that the wake I leave in a room is one of love and care, even when addressing hard or uncomfortable issues.

Before I confront anyone I narrow the focus on the specific incident, the specific hurt. Not that I need a script before entering into the conversation, but I want to be clear and concise in order to address my own concerns, and also to help avoid any further misunderstandings or hurts.

Be Confident

It is my tendency to be apologetic in approaching others, but I have found that it is best to be as direct and matter-of-fact as possible. And kind. Be ready for whatever may come, and avoid being defensive or whiney.

Rather than starting off with something like, I’m sure this was never the intention and I’m so sorry to have to bring this up, but if I may…, I find it more effective to begin with something like, Yesterday during the meeting (this occurred) and (the outcome was as such).

Once the issue and outcome has been addressed I talk about how it made me feel and talk about how I see this hurting others.

At this point, I am most likely in tears, but I’ve learned to embrace those and keep moving forward.

End on a Positive Note

As with every encounter, no matter the outcome, it is best to leave on a positive note. Thank the person for their time and for listening. Go to the restroom and cry some more if needed. You were brave.

And, by all means, do not hang on to the wrong. Once it has been addressed, move along.

Confrontation is easier for some than others, but I have found that it is worth the effort in order to maintain peace and healthy relationships with others.

Confrontation is necessary.

Confrontation is hard.

We are strong and brave and can do hard things.

How are you at confronting people with issues? Any other thoughts?