People pleasing is my propensity. Give me a rule and I’ll follow it, a line and I’ll walk it, an expectation and I’ll meet it. Extra credit? I’m on it.
Growing up, boundaries felt secure, comfortable. The black and white of right and wrong provided a clear standard for which to measure my goodness. The fear of disappointing anyone kept me firmly planted on the shores of safety.
And, although they were never specifically verbalized, somewhere along the yellow brick road of childhood I learned the rules of how to be a “good girl.” They include, but are not limited to: be nice, be polite, use a quiet voice, make good grades, be neat, and above all else a “good girl” is to be well behaved.
Eventually, though, even the best of “good girls” will find herself at a crossroads and having to make a choice between doing a “good” thing and doing the right thing. Will she take a risk, cause some waves and speak up, or will she remain quiet, compliant and indifferent?
Looking at the life of Jesus, one would be hard pressed to describe him as a “well-behaved” man. He challenged the religious thinking and cultural practices, always protecting and speaking out for the outcasts and sinners with radical love. He reached out to the very ones overlooked and brushed aside by society.
Jesus models that good people are good to people.
In the past, I measured being a “good girl” by my obedience, by my willingness to adhere to the expectations of others. Perhaps the most detrimental outcome of living according to the expectations of others is that the focus becomes oneself, being nice and sweet more for the approval from, rather than for the sake of others.
But, when we shift our focus to notice others we realize that there are more detrimental things in life that disappointing someone, falling short or even failing to meet (impossible) expectations. I was once so worried about being wrong that I fear I contributed more to problems than I did risk and seek solutions.
As I observe the women in my life I have come to realize that being a good girl is less about the rules we keep, and more about the character we display. Personality types, gifts and special skills aside, there are certain traits that every good girl possesses.
Although, not an exhaustive list, I am beginning to redefine the rules qualities of the good girl.
A good girl is strong in character and love.
A good girl is fierce and heartfelt in her convictions.
A good girl is willing to use her voice to speak against injustices and inequalities.
May we be known as good girls, not because we follow a set of rules and expectations, but because of the Love we reflect, the genuine care we offer to others and the faith we unashamedly walk out through our actions.
After all, as Laurel Thatcher Ulrich is quoted as saying, “well behaved women rarely make history.”
Let’s go make some history.
What are some qualities you see in the good girls that surround you?