A promise made was quickly broken. The injustice could not, would not be made right after all. In conclusion: “you’ll just have to be the bigger person.”
The tears threatened to spill as trust shattered to pieces upon the floor. And almost immediately the roots of bitterness began their clawing descent into my tender heart.
In that moment a decision had to be made.
Choosing to forgive someone for a wrong goes against our nature. It can often feel as though extending forgiveness suggests that what was done was not so bad and everything that happened was okay. It feels better to cling to the hurt, as if keeping the emotions raw and memories vivid validates the event as wrong and bad. As if remembering the event is somehow punishing the people responsible for the hurt.
But, that’s just not how it works. Unforgiveness has been said to be like ingesting poison oneself and expecting another person to get sick. The heart harboring the unforgiveness is the one feeling its damaging effects.
Unforgiveness is like a weed that burrows it’s roots deep into the heart. And, like any weed, unforgiveness must be addressed and every bit of the root unearthed and discarded in order to prevent the bitterness from growing deeper and its grip becoming stronger.
Forgiveness requires the hard work of prayer, releasing the hurt and staying connected to the Word in order to have a heart full of truth. It doesn’t always seem fair, especially when the other parties refuse any wrongdoing and do not seem to be upset or show any signs of remorse.
Proverbs 4:23 tells us to guard our hearts, the very source of life. But, often we guard by building impenetrable walls of protection around our hearts. We are warned later in Luke 6:45 that our mouths speak from the overflow of our hearts. If our hearts are full and in prisoned with hurt and anger and bitterness, our mouths will most definitely betray us. Guarding our hearts is about tending to the hurts in order to receive healing. Guarding our hearts also requires us to be mindful of who we let speak into the tender places. Our hearts were meant to give and receive love; an impenetrable heart does not allow one to experience the give and take of love with God or others.
Offering forgiveness does not make a wrong right. A heart that extends forgiveness is able to release the grip of hurt and threat of bitterness for its own good, its own sake, it’s own freedom. Forgiveness allows the heart to focus on service and love, realizing that the weight of unforgiveness is never worth the emotional effort or spiritual damage.
Of course, Jesus is the ultimate example of forgiveness, he went to the cross and died for sins that he had never and would never commit. His was the greatest act of love we will ever know. But, there are people, just like you and me, who practice sacrificial forgiveness. Take Stephen, the first known martyr, for example. He was a man full of wisdom and was performing great signs and wonders in his time. The people were unable to stand against his wisdom and accused him of blasphemy. As he was being stoned he cried out on behalf of those who were persecuting him.
He knelt down and cried out with a loud voice, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them!” And after saying this he died. -Luke 7:60 CSB
Stephen knew who he was and whose he was. He understood that he had received perfect and unconditional forgiveness through Jesus, and even in his dying breath he wanted his persecutors to experience the same forgiveness.
I want to be more like Stephen, living out of the overflow of the Spirit, of love. When bitterness threatens to poison my heart, I want to choose forgiveness, and keep choosing forgiveness as many times as needed.
May we be known for our soft and tender hearts. May we be known for pouring into and loving others from a pure and clean heart.
Our witness will be significantly weakened if we let ourselves cling to past hurts. Sure, a tender heart is more sucestible to future hurts, but it is also capable of experiencing the unconditional love of God, and the overflow of a heart receiving the love of the Father is capable of giving love that many have never known before.
Forgiveness extended, like love expressed, is not about mere feelings; it is a deeply spiritual act, a reflection of Jesus in us.
May our forgiveness never find an end.